Sick

Urgh, being sick is irritating. I've caught a fever and it's all very weird. I woke up and felt burning hot, and my temperature was 37.6 (it should be around 37). Later it rose to 38.6 which is a lot considering that it's still early (a human's temperature rises during the day). But then I took three painkillers and it fell to 37.7, apparently because painkillers make the temperature fall.
Weird. So weird. It means I'm not getting better, really. But I don't have a headache any more, and that's always good I guess.

- Yours sincerely

Update on my life

It's been a while. 10 days to be exact. A lot of things have happened in that week and a half.
I've gotten myself a boyfriend. That's nice. Really, really nice. I've been spending a lot of time with him and I've spend a lot of time alone, thinking of him. I all but forgot that I even had a blog. How silly of me!
But now I'm getting kind of used to the thought of having a boyfriend, so I'm more mentally capable of writing all this down. I just wanted to let you know.

I also got my grades for this "semester". It's not really a whole semester, but a few months. The scale goes like this:
-3 . 00 . 02 . 4 . 7 . 10 . 12

And I got an average of 8,4.
That's better than last time (7,6)

It's actually really good. My German sucks (I got two 2's) so that pulls the rest down. Apart from that I generally managed to do pretty well.

I don't have much to write today. Apparently it's easier to write when you're sad or angry. Right now I'm just genuinely happy, and that makes me want to think about what makes me happy more than wanting to write it down.

- Yours sincerely

It's funny how it's so easy to forget what it feels like to be really truly happy.
It's always much easier to remember the bad times than the good times, and to dwell on the downs instead of ups. I remember I've had a really tiring January, whereas my February has been golden up until this point. It's been a great month for me personally and with other people, and I've spent my days being really truly happy. And I feel happy right now.
But I'm certain that next time a bad period of time rushes over me I'll completely forget how I've felt these past weeks. I'll be all down and depressed and "oh, why do these things always happen to me".

At least I know that it's always up-down-up-down. So if a bad period really does strike me, I'll be able to think "Hey, but it'll end sooner or later."
Of course that's kind of depressing as well, because it means this period of time that's good for me won't last forever either, which I'd love for it to!
But who cares? I'm only just one person. And what doesn't kill me'll make me stronger anyhow, so yeah.

- Yours sincerely

"I feel good"

I feel really good today!
My personal life is going really, really well these days. My past problems (the ones I had in January) are pretty much forgotten now, and I've turned my attention to someone else, someone who (at the moment) seems like a really nice guy. It's going well.
So I'm just really happy. I feel so bright. Like the sun!
I'll have to be careful not to expect too much. Actually I think it's kind of the other way around.
I burned my fingers once, I'm not going to do that again!

- Yours sincerely

Fear

"You can be fearful of many things, but it is often the fear of an idea that is more frightening.

We need to learn to move away from a world of fear to a place where we can appreciate one another.

Sure, it's risky, but it can also lead to great appreciation and bonds between one person an another."

- Taken out of context from a show on Animal Planet.

Yes sir!

Arrived home today at 5 O' clock from not being home fro 24 hours. Horror films, lasagne and good company is a great cocktail!
Now I have winter holidays for a whole week, which I'm certainly looking forward to! Saturday I couldn't quite understand the fact that I now have a whole week where I'll be doing nothing but sleep, eat and be bored!
And then Friday I'll go out and enjoy the epic coldness of winter with my friends at bars and such, and Saturday I'll be at some friends' house for dinner and talking. Yay for a whole family of friends!

- Yours sincerely

Party!

Party tonight!
Second Friday in a row, I don't feel well and I have lots to do, but it's the winter holidays so who cares?

- Yours sincerely

SRO and boredom

I'm so bored. I don't know what to do. I still have chores to do, but I don't want to do them. I could watch a film, but all the ones I own look boring to me. I could read a book, but they all look totally boring. Boring, boring, boring.
I'd rather be able to sleep the day away and go back to school tomorrow and not be bored. School is rather exciting to me, because all my friends are at school. And, you know. Some of what we learn is kind of interesting too. At times.

I'm in the middle of that stupid paper I have to write. SRO. It's about the different "special" subjects I have in school. Specifically English and social studies. Stupid paper. I have to write about industrialization in England and welfare in Denmark. How boring is that? At least it's not maths or physics. That would be horrible! I know people who have been assigned to both those subjects. I'm already dreading my own paper, and I have an easy one!
Right now I have to find material for my paper, because I don't have the pulling-together to actually write anything.

...

Like a G6?

I'm tired and I have a minor headache because of last night. My school hosted a musical (that kind of sucked), and a sort of after party (at which I ended up being drunk). I was supposed to go out afterwards with a couple of friends (one guy and an "item") but that never happened. We ended up on McDonalds and never got any further, haha.

As I said, the musical kind of sucked. The singing was awesome, but I've always hated the acting in these things. My school contains no acting talent whatsoever.

As mentioned before, we all ended up on McDonalds. Horrible. I was super-hungry when we went from the party, so we went getting food for me at a gas station, but then one of the others wanted to go to McDonalds and get some kind of chicken-stuff. Not the nuggets but something else, and we ended up not going back.

It was nice enough though. I had a good time.

- Yours sincerely

Francisco Lachowski

No words can describe just how incredibly beautifully hot he is. Just look at him. Franscischo Lachowski is the bomb!

- Yours sincerely.

I mean... OH MY GOD

Craving

I need a hug. Now. I just really crave a big hug from someone - anyone. I'm considering asking my mom, but I don't bother.
And I'm afraid. I'll tell you about it later on.

- Yours sincerely

Pretty music

I've fallen hard in love with indie. You might notice that on the video page, but I'll tell you right now as well.
Indie is the new black. Or something.

Change is hard is a song from She & Him's first album. It's so beautiful. Everything on that CD is beautiful, I heard all the songs (they're also available on Youtube), and I can't get enough, just like I can't get enough of Relient K. Neither Relient K or She & Him are necessarily indie-bands, but a lot of their music reminds me of indie, so that's what I call it for now. Even though some of She & Him's music is really country pop, haha!
One of my best friends listens to a lot of "chill" music, and I asked her to put up a link on Facebook to one chill-song song every day. One song a day.
I hope it'll last a long, long time!

- Yours sincerely

Craving

I want Lemonade. Right now.
I'm sitting here with my homework and I have to get a lot of it done today, if I want to go out next Friday as well. And I do!
It was super-fun this Friday and I enjoyed myself (and others) very, very much, so I'm hoping next Friday will be equally as exciting. And that I'll be excited as well. Haha.


I'm kind of thinking of maybe making some lemonade. It sounds tempting.


- Yours sincerely

Give me a call

The whole thing with people promising to call or text you is strange, I find. You sit and wait and wait and wait for them to call, but for what? If they decide to take it slow, what damage does it make, that you see their text message two hours after they send it? Nothing.
It doesn't make a difference.
Something that I find extremely annoying, however, is when they text you and you see the message a little late and text back, they don't text you back.
And you find yourself thinking "what did I do wrong, huh?"
It's particularly annoying on Facebook, because the chat makes it possible for you to stalk the person - meaning that you are able to see whether or not he/she is online.
The person I'm referring to was actually half-online (that white circle which means he/she has Facebook open but isn't doing anything). Which means that when he finally logged of he did have the chance to see that I'd answered him and to answer me back once more. But he didn't. And I know all about it because I can see that he was online and then wasn't.


I'm over-calculating everything far to much, some times, but it's easier said than done to stop doing it. I mean, it's basically the only mathematical/logical intelligence that my brain contains (Howard Gardner states that there's 7 different kinds of intelligences, my biggest is the Linguistic (language) intelligence).


I should get going.


- Yours sincerely

Party

I went out yesterday and I drank so much! I don't understand how my liver didn't quit on me, but it didn't.
I have lots of things I need to do today, and the day is just NOT over. I woke up at 8, so I have so much time left for homework and chores.

- Yours sincerely

Friends and such

"A big part of making money is shamelessness. You have to be willing to profil off of the misfortune of others."

- Unknown

Really it's not unknown, but the person is very obnoxious so I'm not going to tell anyone who it is.

My friends are all crazy these days. Two girls are mad at each other for liking the same guy, but the guy doesn't like any of them - which GirlA doesn't understand. GirlB has been his best friend forever and knows there'll be nothing between them, but seeing GirlA being all stupid-blonde (and flirting with - apparently - 4 guys in the same evening) makes her pissed.

And where do I stand?

At the side, looking at it with this awful kind of anticipation. Because, lets face it, when you're not part of the drama, it can actually be pretty exciting to be the audience.

GirlA has - by the way - been one of my dearest friends since second grade, so it's all very complicated. I don't really know what to do, because all I want is to comfort everyone. Even the guy! Apparently he's really tired of GirlA and girls in general. Oh, what I wouldn't do to be able to say "I know what it feels like".

Sadly, I don't. Because I don't have any admires. Boo-hoo.

I've started reading a new book. The original title is "The Love Hexagon", by William Sutcliffe, but - again - I'm reading it in Danish. I've borrowed several English books as well, because we all have to face the facts: Books just are better in the original language. End of discussion.

I wish you all a great Tuesday,

- Yours sincerely

About my blog

I haven't mentioned it yet, and anyone reading this probably didn't notice, so I'll just be quick about it.
I've added a couple of pages to my blog, a page about me, a page with all videos I use on my blog (plus ones I just think are amazing) and I just added one with 'all' the books I have been/will be reading in the new year. As mentioned in my previous post I just finished a book earlier today, and I've lend a hell lot of books in the library. Like, 11 or something.
I won't be able to finish them all, I think, but I will be writing about every book I do read this year.

About me

Videos

Books

- Yours sincerely

Delay and stuff

I've been to the other side of the country for the last couple of days now, 330 km in a cold car to be more precise.
It's been okay but a bore, because I was there with my grandparents, yibee.
I read a whole book though, about a girl who's dying from leukaemia. She has less than a year left and she has this list of things she wants to try before she passes away. Sex, drugs, saying yes a whole day, getting her parents back together and things like that. It's actually a really good book, not very sad, more like ironic and sceptical. She knows she's dying and she's scared, of course, but there's nothing she can really do about it. I think that's nice. (It's called "Before I die", by the way).

But think about it. Every morning you wake up, there's one day less left before you die. It's like an invisible clock that's ticking always, constantly. It's frightening to think about but at the same time also kind of comforting. Because you know that even though your life might be fucked up and worthless, it's not like it'll go on forever. It'll end one day, and one day as well, no one will remember you. It might take years, centuries. We still remember many great men from past decades. Shakespeare. Darwin. Freud. But one day people might not know about them any more.
I read in the book, that every 7th year, we have changed completely. Every 7th year, every cell in our body is new. You are physically not the same person you were when you were five, ten years old. It's weird, isn't it?

I forgot my keys this morning, when I went home. My granny has to send them through mail. How embarrassing!

- Yours sincerely

Alice in Wonderland

Passage from chapter 1 (one of my favourites):

There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; and when Alice had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every door, she walked sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to get out again.
Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of solid glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, and Alice's first thought was that it might belong to one of the doors of the hall; but, alas! either the locks were too large, or the key was too small, but at any rate it would not open any of them. However, on the second time round, she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it was a little door about fifteen inches high: she tried the little golden key in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!

Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw. How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains, but she could not even get her head though the doorway; "and even if my head would go through," thought poor Alice, "it would be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only know how to begin." For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really impossible.
There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she went back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this time she found a little bottle on it, ("which certainly was not here before," said Alice,) and round the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words `DRINK ME' beautifully printed on it in large letters.

Dyingrose 24

It was all very well to say 'Drink me,' but the wise little Alice was not going to do that in a hurry. "No, I'll look first," she said, "and see whether it's marked 'poison' or not"; for she had read several nice little histories about children who had got burnt, and eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they would not remember the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot poker will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your finger very deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison,' it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.


- Yours sincerely

Ideas

Today I realised something about ideas.
Not the ones that suddenly hit you but the ones others plant.
When the seed of an idea is planted it needs water and it needs sun and if it's treated right it will grow and grow and grow to extreme proportions, until suddenly it's so big you can't ignore it any more.
And when you realise that others can plant seeds of ideas in your mind garden. That's when you realise that sometimes you have got absolutely no control over what you really think.
Because really, who is it that thinks it? The thought or the idea? Is it you or is it really the person who planted it?
Today I realised what impact others have on my opinion and on the way I view certain things.

I had a pretty clear idea of what I wanted to do with this one problem I had. But when I suddenly confronted it differently and I thought about my way of solving it, it occurred to me that it mightn't be the right way to do it. And then it occurred to me that what I wanted to do instead (nothing; do nothing at all) wasn't really my idea but something I was told to do by another human being.
That really annoyed me because it made me doubt whether or not I can really be trusted. If I can't trust my own judgement any more, who can I trust then? Everyone except myself? That'd be pretty darn risky.

I'll have to figure it out later, though.
It's getting late.

- Yours sincerely

Fuck

Fuck, man.


Just fuck.

Forget and not slow down

I want to just get on with my life, but it's so much harder than what you first expect. It's like trying to forget something you've been thinking about all your life. Unless I become senile, it'll take me forever to un-remember this.
It's not too bad, though, because I have options. I have things I can do to temporarily forget about all of my problems. But you know it. I just said it; temporarily. It won't last forever.
It's so hard for me. But now I'm starting to think about other things again, like I did before the problems started rushing over me like crashing waves on a midnight shore.
I've read too much poetry lately.


Listen! you hear the grating roar
Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling,
At their return, up the high strand,
Begin, and cease, and then again begin,
With tremulous cadence slow, and bring
The eternal note of sadness in.
- From Dover Beach - Matthew Arnold


On my "Videos" page, I've put up a song called "Savannah" by Relient K, but they have so much wonderful music.

Especially their album from 2009 - Forget and not slow down - is amazing (Savannah is on that CD). The first track on the album, Forget and not slow down, only just really hit me hard today.
The beat is wonderful, and it just dawned on me now that this is my song.
This is how I should live my life now. Just put everything behind me and move the fuck on!

I'd rather forget and not slow down
Than gather regret for the things I can't change now
If I become what I can't accept
Resurrect the saint from within the wretch
Pour over me and wash my hands of it

Cause I could spend my life just trying to sift through
What I could've done better but what good do what if's do.



Music really is all I rely on these days.


- Yours sincerely

Relient K

Beautiful album, beautiful lyrics and beats and vocals all around.

Doesn't get much better than this.

- Yours sincerely

Dreaming

Right now dreaming is my life. I feel I dream more than I think about reality.
I feel like I'm in the middle of Inception.
Actually I could use some. Oh, to think of just diving into a dream for four hours a day and just forget. I wouldn't mind turning into a vegetable for just one day. And live my whole life in one big dream and just forget about the teenage-problems I'm struggling with.

Claiming earlier that I just have to get over it was a brave move. It's going forward but I'm still dreaming about him. Now, though, that one dream that I used to dream, of the two of us together, it's mixed with another dream, sometimes two, and I can't figure out where I stand in this any more - where am I? More importantly, who am I?
When I day dream it's like watching a film. It's all linked, it's all scenes like in a film, it's always that Happy Ever After.
But because it's not like that in real life, I'd much rather just dream the days away with my favourite music on full volume.
Oh the joy of wasting one's life.

- Yours sincerely

We are all lemmings

Know the saying "Swim with the stream"? As in fish. I like that saying. That we're all just a bunch of fish following each other because it's easier and safer.
But I like another one better. I like to say that we are like lemmings. Lemmings are rodents. They are like mice and such, but their behaviour is strange.

This I found on Wikipedia (it is, in fact, very true):

Driven by strong biological urges, some species of lemmings may migrate in large groups when population density becomes too great. Lemmings can swim and may choose to cross a body of water in search of a new habitat. In such cases, many may drown if the body of water is so wide as to stretch their physical capability to the limit. This fact combined with the unexplained fluctuations in the population of Norwegian lemmings gave rise to the myth.

The myth spoken about here is the believe that lemmings would commit mass suicide, which is, of course, not true. But when they migrate they all move like one organism. If the lemming in front chooses to swim across a very big "body of water", say, a lake or a small ocean, then all the others will automatically follow.
Frankly, just like we humans do.


- Yours sincerely

My desktop

Just wanted to let you know a little about what I'm generally up to. What's on my desktop, for instance.
You'll see a couple of documents, including some German poems (because I'm terrible at German but really need to step it up), some NaNoWriMo material that I have to continue, some pictures and a LOT of icons.

There's all the usual. iTunes, Messenger, Paint, Media Player, all that. Then there's The Sims 2 because I play it now and then. There's World of Warcraft because I log onto my brothers account sometimes, when I'm really bored.
Then there's Minesweeper. I love that game! Google Earth, my Outlook Mail, GOM player (Like Windows Media - but way better), and a lot of others.

The pictures is from DeviantArt and can be found here.

- Yours Sincerely

Literature Quotes

Oscar Wilde
The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read.


Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The decline of literature indicates the decline of a nation.


Jean-Paul Sartre
If literature isn't everything, it's not worth a single hour of someone's trouble.


Aldous Huxley
Every man's memory is his private literature.


Robert Louis Stevenson
The difficulty of literature is not to write, but to write what you mean; not to affect your reader, but to affect him precisely as you wish.


Charles Dickens
A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.


A person who can't pay gets another person who can't pay to guarantee that he can pay. Like a person with two wooden legs getting another person with two wooden legs to guarantee that he has got two natural legs. It don't make either of them able to do a walking-match.


An idea, like a ghost, must be spoken to a little before it will explain itself.


Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.


Anne Bronte
But he that dares not grasp the thorn Should never crave the rose.


There is always a "but" in this imperfect world.


Charlotte Bronte
Give him enough rope and he will hang himself.


I am no bird; and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will.


I'm just going to write because I cannot help it.


Look twice before you leap.


Emily Bronte
I'll walk where my own nature would be leading: It vexes me to choose another guide.
Proud people breed sad sorrows for themselves.


J. R. R. Tolkien
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.


It's the job that's never started takes longest to finish.


Not all who wander are lost.


Still round the corner there may wait, A new road or a secret gate.

***

- Yours sincerely

I might have to be more careful about what I write in here! After all, people are supposed to read it, but I didn't realise that my friends might check it out as well. Oops.

Making up ones mind

Today I found out more about mister Ass-hole (which I will call him from now on, because he really is an ass).
That one friend who told a rumour about me and mister A is actually one of my good friends. So I could never stay mad at her for more than just a couple of days, not even for this.
The story really is that after New Years Eve he never wrote me back on Facebook. I don't have his number (I do, but I can't tell him, because I found it online) so I can't text him, and today it was confirmed that he has in fact read my message.
My friend told me today that she had confronted him with it, telling him that he was a jerk for not writing me back, but he refused to even admit I had ever send him anything in the first place.
Which only confirms a hunch I had earlier on when counting all the different possible ways he might feel about all this. Well, it all comes down to this:

1. He did regret spending time with me after all and doesn't care about the rumour. He doesn't want to see me again.

2. He does care about the rumour but doesn't care about me, so he will not answer.

3. He wants to see me again, but cares about the rumour so he's not sure what to do.

4. He cares about the rumour and me, and wonders if there's any truth in what has been said. He wonders if I feel as bad about him as they do and is afraid to contact me.

Ha-ha. Well, it can only be two of those, can't it? 1 or 2. He basically doesn't care for me at all.

Since yesterday I decided to get over all of this and get on with my life.

Today that promise stands even stronger.

- Yours sincerely

When life gives you lemons

I've had a rough week. And next week will surely be just as tough for me, if this whole rumour.I.won't.text.you.back-thing continues.
But I've made up my mind now, because I've just realised something:
I'm not dying. It hasn't killed me yet, so what am I so afraid of?
I just now realised that this is nothing compared to what I will experience later on in life. This is trifles! Nothing. Just a small desert I'll get before the main course. It's only the start.
And like author Friedrich Nietzsche once said:


That which does not kill us makes us stronger.


I realise I've been naïve to ever think, this was hard for me. This was nothing. I won't be talking about my fabulous life compared to hungry African children, because I don't like that comparison.
Suffering has many faces and is always relative to the person who feels the suffering. But I know in my heart now, that I'll forget about this in a couple of weeks and get on with my life and think about other problems and joys.

Sometimes you just have to grind your teeth together and keep on going. I'm not talking from experience - this is the first and tiny (but real) life lesson I've been taught, and even if I feel as wise as a 100 year old woman, I'm not and I have to accept that I'm still somewhat a child, that I'm still only 1/5 way through my life. I have 4 more to go and though I know they'll have their own sufferings and problems, I'll make a promise to myself right now and here:
I will not quit.

I'll be strong and I will not fall for fatigue. I will stand tall until I die, I won't compromise because of the happiness of others unless it gives me something in return. I will take care of myself and be my own best friend and critic.

And I'll write a letter to myself every year from http://www.futureme.org/ and remind myself that all the 'big' problems I suffered through the past year did - in fact - not kill me, but made me stronger. Made me who I am now.
Oh, I'll make it through.
I will.

- Yours sincerely

Got no love

I feel like shit.

- Yours sincerely

Why I Hate Umbrellas

You can find them in black and white, yellow, blue, navy, mixed and rainbow coloured, even Hello Kitty - you can find them in every colour!

But there's something I absoutely hate about them. And I've never seen an umbrella without it.

That flappy piece of fabric hanging from it that you use to tighten it up with when it's folded.

Guy de Jean

This umbrella from Guy de Jean (which they frankly don't make any more, I think) is actually really pretty. It has a beautiful design in that vintage kind of way. The handle, for instance, is really classically beautiful with the white colour. It looks almost like a miniature pillar.

But that piece of fabric.

It's so bloody annoying! And you can't avoid it; at one point you'll have turned the umbrella so that it's directly in front of your eyes.

I can't take it!

I do love umbrellas aside for that, but I guess you just can't have everything, huh?

- Yours sincerely

Text 1

There's a young woman, 18, maybe 17, years old. She's a bright and fun young woman. She met someone one day, whom she though a lot about the following months. Then they met again and they talked. She felt so full, so filled up with good vibrations, that she had to smile once in a while just by the thought.

But then something awful happened. A small mistake, not made by her, or him for that sake, changed everything.

And now she doesn't know anything any more.

She thought he liked her, but now finds herself doubting if that was wish thinking or truth. She wonders if he might have changed his mind - was she not good enough for him at all?

And every night she cries when she goes to bed, 'cause the felling of fullness has been replaced by void. She fells the emptiness inside of her, a feeling threatening to tear her apart.

It feels as though, she has forgotten something, something incredibly important, that she has to remember, but can't.

As if she never even knew. It feels as though she needs to find something that has been lost, in that void, but how can one find something, when one has never seen or heard or felt that thing?
It's an impossible task, and she feels, it is too hard for her to complete.
And every night when she cries herself to sleep, she wonders if it's even worth it to wake up.

Is it obsessive to sniff cigarette smoke from the air because it reminds you of someone you are absolutely crazy about?

I highly doubt it.

A rumour is like a wildfire

A rumour is like a wildfire. It spreads faster than one would think at first, and it's incredibly hard to put out. It also leaves scars in the landscape when it's finally over, and it takes time for the nature to mend.

I am the nature, and a rumour is my wildfire. I am not sure, whether or not it's out yet. Because I haven't talked to the people involved. But someone ought to appologize, because I know that there's at least one person out there who doesn't know what to do now. And it's not me. Because I was the victim. In this rumour. I was the one who got hurt.
I was literally physically and verbally hurt, but there is no truth in it whatsoever, and the one being accused of these horrible, horrible things (because we're not talking trifles here. We're talking about very serious, sexual accusations that I would hate a friend for - if proven true). The things that my friend blamed him for doing, I would never forgive anyone. Ever. But I know that they're not true, because they are said to have been done to me, and I know that's not true. Who would know better than I?

And now I'm waiting for it to pass, but the wait can be long, maybe it'll last forever - right now I do not know. I've been trying to contact the other person involved but he won't answer. That is the most frustrating about it all, because I don't know why. It could be so many things.

1. He did regret spending time with me after all and doesn't care about the rumour. He doesn't want to see me again.

2. He does care about the rumour but doesn't care about me, so he will not answer.

3. He does want to see me again, but he also cares about the rumour so he's not sure what to do. Will they hate him even more?

4. He cares about the rumour and me, and wonders if there's any truth in what has been said. He wonders if I feel as bad about him as they do and is afraid to contact me.

Any of these would be bad, but the forth would be the most horrible and frustrating to me. Because that'd mean that he feels really bad about it all and doubts himself even though he's done nothing wrong.

I guess I'll just have to keep an eye on that fire. And maybe bring a hose next time I come near.

Feeling down under

I'm still thinking about the night between Friday and Saturday and I'm starting to doubt whether or not it was a good idea to sleep in the same bed as that other guy. I'm not sure I still like what happened in that bed (it's not as serious as one would think, but given the fact that I'm a daddy's girl, it was pretty 'hawt').
So right now I'm feeling rather easy and stupid. I'm not feeling cheap, because it wasn't just anyone, so I keep telling my self that's not the case.
So now I'm trying to be brave and listen to old Danish songs about love affairs.


There's an old EuroVision song that Denmark (more specifically Lotte Nilsson and Kenny Lübcke) made called "Alt det som ingen ser", in English "All the things that no one sees".
The chorus states: What no one knows will hurt no one.

Lotte Nilsson and Kenny Lübcke

"For, all the things that nobody sees,
Nobody minds that, like this affair,
All the things that nobody knows,
That can't be any of their business,
You know that,
All the things that nobody sees,
Nobody minds that, a break is OK,
Lightning can easily strike,
We're only a second away from love."


Super-duper song.
I love it. Right now it's really the only thing that keeps me from being entirely miserable


- Yours sincerely (more than ever)

The next day

New Years Eve didn't quite turn out as I expected.

I was hanging around in the living room at 9 when I got a call from one of my friends, Lewis. "We're having a party! Come on over, it's going to be great!"
All I could think was why??
Why didn't they tell me earlier? But non the less I made my parents drive me all the way over there and I'll have to say I don't regret it. It was pretty awesome. Fireworks with friends at 12 O' clock, free booze.
It's a whole group of really sweet people, knowing each other all the way around, and I do feel I'm kind of melting into the group slowly now.

I also ended up sharing bed with a very nice guy whom I've been talking to several times before, so that wasn't so bad either. Other than the fact that I was freezing legs and arms off, because he sleeps on a closed balcony. That's COLD, if you didn't already guess that! And the fact that we shared one blanked (that's already not long enough for his abnormally long body) just made the whole thing worse.
Other than that is was pretty sweet. We kept each other warm.

Happy year 2011!

- Yours sincerely